I did not win my ski race last month. I didn't expect to, nor feel the need to.... (in fact, I wondered if I might come in last). But what I did win was so much bigger and I wasn't even fully conscious of it until reflecting on it after the fact.
Knowing winter would be long in Minnesota during a pandemic, I decided last Fall that I would take up nordic skiing. I started with a 10-week dry-land training course in September, purchased skis in October, took my first and only lesson in early January and joined a weekly ski club mid-January.
And then suddenly it was February 21. Race day. Just to be clear, I had zero plans to EVER enter a ski race this year or any year. I mentioned to a couple friends that I was going to try my hand at skiing this winter and they encouraged me to sign up for a 21K Classic race in our area with them. I thought they were crazy and immediately said no. And then... I thought it could be a good goal to shoot for, to keep me motivated and get me outside, regardless if I went through with it. It seemed a long way out when I signed up in October.
As I fumbled with my gear in the start area, I told my friends to go on ahead and I would see them when I see them (in my head... I was thinking MANY hours later)! I laughed as my name was announced over a loud speaker while crossing the starting line, as the only people there to hear it were the handful of volunteers and me. My first hill came up a little too quickly. I had been dreading the hills. Another skier sped by me exclaiming “Here we go!” as he effortlessly pushed off down the hill to gain speed. My hill goal: get down the hills without causing injury to myself or others.
I spent the next 2.5 hours skiing in virtual silence as I traversed over and through lakes, prairies and forests… and navigated several hills. I passed no one… not.one.person. My only communication with anyone came from the skiers passing me who shouted out "Good job!" or "You're doing great!" and a couple volunteers at the water stations along the way. The remainder of my ‘communication’ was solely my own mental chatter, which - disappointingly - was nothing more than a see saw of "I'm-not-sure-I-will-make-it" to "you-can-do-this."
I crossed the finish line with no one around me, to the roar of no crowd as my name was, once again, shouted out through the load speaker. I responded as though I had won the race, with my arms waving overhead while letting out a loud woohoo! It caught the loud speaker operator off guard, I think, as he then added “And she is excited!” It wasn’t until later that I understood his likely surprise at my excitement given I had finished 53rd out of 59 skiers. My friends, who had finished ahead of me, were there to witness me complete my first ski race. Being witnessed is a powerful thing and I was grateful they were there.
I am proud of my accomplishment. And as I have reflected more on the adventure of it all, I have been able to move beyond the ‘just get through the race’ mindset and embrace the entirety of the experience. There is a lot to take in and enjoy. I realize I was bolstered by a tremendous support village leading up to the ski race. That reflection has brought a depth of positive feelings of connection that can be difficult to tap into in this time of separation amidst a pandemic.
This is why I encourage my clients to practice reflection. It calls for us to slow down, put attention toward the broader experience, take note of what we learned from our experience, and savor positive moments that we might otherwise scan over as we move on to do the next thing. It helps us absorb those positive feelings and broader experience on a cellular level. There is scientific evidence pointing to the positive benefit of reflection and savoring. It is good for our health!
Many of the people who helped me along the way don't even realize they played a role in my achievement because they were simply doing what they would have done regardless. But in a time of such separation due to the pandemic, the ordinary became extraordinary and I want to thank my amazing support village!
THANK YOU... Anne - for your enthusiasm, keeping me in the loop about class opportunities, my double polling lesson, your invaluable race day wisdom, and your supportive text on race day; Stewart for lending me a set of ski poles for dry land training prior to owning any; Natalie for your easy teaching style, supportive and game-for-anything nature, creating a ski club opportunity that opened my eyes to so many new places in the Twin Cities while giving me much-needed weekly practice, and your encouraging text the night before the race; Rebecca, Maree and Gina for encouraging me to do the Vasaloppet and witnessing my completion of it; Kathy for keeping me accountable in dry land training, sharing the joy of skiing throughout winter, and sending supportive texts both prior to and after the race; Ted for getting me off my couch to ski when I might not otherwise have, introducing me to night skiing, challenging me to face my fear of hills, and sending a supportive text the morning of the race; My fellow ski clubbers - many of whom I only met once, but who were incredibly encouraging when we skied together two days prior to the race and put some extra wind in my sail; and to the Mora Vasaloppet who offered a fantastic first-time racing experiencing and making it feel safe amidst a pandemic!